Post by montez on Feb 7, 2011 7:32:38 GMT
The Gay Cafe
On a Sunday drive we chanced upon
A medieval village called Cessenon
And feeling peckish and looking gaunt
We entered a local restaurant.
The proprietor was over-friendly and he
Was not like a French restaurant owner should be
He took my arm and said, "Bienvenue,
Enchante je suis que vous etes chez nous."
He could see I was English, and he was too
He told us on Sunday there's a set menu
He said, "Come on darlings, if you are able
Take your seats at this window table."
The owner was Bill and the chef was called Ben
(I straightaway thought of the flowerpot men –
A children’s programme from when I was small
One that I didn’t much care for at all!)
Bill was quite small with an open-necked shirt
He appeared to me like a terrible flirt
He flitted around from table to table
Like that bloke in the film, you know – Clark Gable!
Included in the set meal was wine
Which the French seem to do a lot of the time
So I decided to try the local red
Which was crap – I should have had white instead.
Bill then brought out a plate with two lumps
Which resembled small gelatinous bumps
He explained that that was the aperitif
Marinated bollocks of beef.
Next came the weirdest-looking starter
Just on its own, a chipolata
This Sunday lunch was becoming a joke
For someone like me – a normal bloke.
For mains I was hoping for Dover sole
But what we received was toad in the hole
And then for dessert – and this is what pained us
A soufflé made in the shape of an anus!
I beckoned to Bill and said, “This menu today
Is it intended just for the gay?”
“Don’t be so daft,” he said, “What are you like,
That couple over there – she’s a dyke?”!
Addendum.......
I wrote this shite about 3 years ago
And they are still there - don't you know?
And now the restaurant is up for sale
(I knew they'd ultimately fail!)
You see, in the Languedoc, everyone's broke
Honestly lads, it ain't no joke,
At 26 euros, they're far too pricey
For ordinary twats like you and me.
But the food's pretty good (as it should be)
Check on the net, and you will see
It's called Le Restaurant De L'Orb
In a village called Cessenon-sur-Orb.
From Beziers, go North on the D14
It's one of the prettiest villages you've seen
Bisected by a fast-flowing river
Have the foie gras (to YOU, that's duck's liver!)
On a Sunday drive we chanced upon
A medieval village called Cessenon
And feeling peckish and looking gaunt
We entered a local restaurant.
The proprietor was over-friendly and he
Was not like a French restaurant owner should be
He took my arm and said, "Bienvenue,
Enchante je suis que vous etes chez nous."
He could see I was English, and he was too
He told us on Sunday there's a set menu
He said, "Come on darlings, if you are able
Take your seats at this window table."
The owner was Bill and the chef was called Ben
(I straightaway thought of the flowerpot men –
A children’s programme from when I was small
One that I didn’t much care for at all!)
Bill was quite small with an open-necked shirt
He appeared to me like a terrible flirt
He flitted around from table to table
Like that bloke in the film, you know – Clark Gable!
Included in the set meal was wine
Which the French seem to do a lot of the time
So I decided to try the local red
Which was crap – I should have had white instead.
Bill then brought out a plate with two lumps
Which resembled small gelatinous bumps
He explained that that was the aperitif
Marinated bollocks of beef.
Next came the weirdest-looking starter
Just on its own, a chipolata
This Sunday lunch was becoming a joke
For someone like me – a normal bloke.
For mains I was hoping for Dover sole
But what we received was toad in the hole
And then for dessert – and this is what pained us
A soufflé made in the shape of an anus!
I beckoned to Bill and said, “This menu today
Is it intended just for the gay?”
“Don’t be so daft,” he said, “What are you like,
That couple over there – she’s a dyke?”!
Addendum.......
I wrote this shite about 3 years ago
And they are still there - don't you know?
And now the restaurant is up for sale
(I knew they'd ultimately fail!)
You see, in the Languedoc, everyone's broke
Honestly lads, it ain't no joke,
At 26 euros, they're far too pricey
For ordinary twats like you and me.
But the food's pretty good (as it should be)
Check on the net, and you will see
It's called Le Restaurant De L'Orb
In a village called Cessenon-sur-Orb.
From Beziers, go North on the D14
It's one of the prettiest villages you've seen
Bisected by a fast-flowing river
Have the foie gras (to YOU, that's duck's liver!)
