Comic Relief

[montez]

A friend of mine the other day got widespread condemnation
He was on a bus so people say performing masturbation
I know you shouldn't really mock but sometimes it is handy
Wrapped around his throbbing cock was a copy of the Dandy!

When the lad was up in court to give an explanation
He said, "Dear Judge, you really ought dismiss this allegation
I am not a criminal, a pervert or a thief
This act was subliminal, done for comic relief!"

[Edna Sweetlove]

Caro Montez: I know you are keen on rhyme and cast doubts about the skills of those who do not choose to rhyme, but you have been a very naughty boy here. Condemnation and masturbation are not ideal rhymes - yes I know they "sort of rhyme". Here is an improved first couplet for your consideration:

A friend of mine in the Leeds/Bradford conurbation
Received complaints on a bus for his masturbation

[spamheid]

According to rhyme zone, masturbation rhymes with cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Or perhaps it puts the masturbator in need of it. Anyway, the Topper is a much better comic to cover one's willy - even though I think it's ceased publication. The Peoples' Friend is a good substitute

[zilbermann]

"Condemnation and masturbation are not ideal rhymes...." I disagree; according to the rules of rhyme that I was taught these words rhyme perfectly well.

[montez]

Thank you for jumping to my defence Zilby (which, incidentally, rhymes really well with "trilby" - do you wear one?)
Most rhymes are not exactly "perfect", like "look" and "book" ; and I'm quite happy with the rhyme above (thanks all the same Spamfeatures!)
So, up yours Endive!
Robin Usedtowankalotbutnowcan'tbebothered.

[zilbermann]

Could these words be pronounced differently in England than in America? The way we pronounce them they rhyme exactly.

[montez]

Correct Zilbythetrilby.