Post by montez on Feb 6, 2011 23:44:19 GMT
Hattie Tucker
I dated Hat Tucker, a great big fat fucker,
30 stone and six foot three,
If she lay in the sun, Greenpeace would have come,
An' dragged 'er back into the sea!
I asked 'er to dine, an' partake of wine,
So we went to the local Chinese,
The sign on the door said, "Buffet after 4,
And eat as much as you please!"
We were on our way in when the owner Hu Lin,
Said, "YOU can come in but not Fatty!"
I didn't want trouble, so I offered 'im double,
That's how we got in, me an' Hattie.
She ate like a horse and for a starter course,
She 'ad 28 chicken wings,
Loads of dim sum to fatten her bum,
Soup, and all sorts of things.
Main courses - she 'ad 10, ate every one, then,
Went an' filled up a third time,
She 'ad loads of lychees, an' then she said, "Please,
Can yer get me 5 litres more wine?"
I were pissed up missen, and at quarter ter ten,
Hattie appeared quite appealing,
"Now Hattie my dove, let's go home and make love,"
I said, with the utmost of feeling!
I know this is hateful, but Hattie was grateful,
She'd gone 10 years without sex,
I threw 'er on the bed, which broke the bedstead,
And then I just ripped off 'er keks.
I know it's not passion, well it is, of a fashion,
The next bit you'll find quite uncanny,
You'll think I'm a rat, but between rolls of fat,
Could I 'eckers like find 'er big fanny.
I said, "Fart Hattie do, and give us a clue,"
With that, she promptly blew off,
I said, "Thank you Miss Tucker, I've now found the fucker,
So I ripped my own underpants off.
I forced 'ER legs apart, from whence came the fart,
And tried to slot in my man-hood,
I struggled like make love roughly, without any luck,
An' said, "Lass, I'm afraid it's no good!"
So I set up a pulley, and hauled 'er manfully,
Dangling from our bedroom ceiling,
'Er legs were widespread, as I lay on the bed,
An' lowered 'er slowly, with feeling.
The next bit's no joke, coz the pulley just broke,
(I know now you'll laugh yourselves silly),
On me face was a frown, as she came crashing down,
An' landed slap-bang on me willy!
This story is true, and between me and you,
As I said to my Airforce pal Roger,
That lass Hattie Tucker is such a fat fucker,
I've now got an inverted todger!
Now the moral is this, (and DON'T take the urine),
Even though this poem is silly,
If you go with a fucker, like fat Hattie Tucker,
Make sure you 'ave got a huge willy!
I dated Hat Tucker, a great big fat fucker,
30 stone and six foot three,
If she lay in the sun, Greenpeace would have come,
An' dragged 'er back into the sea!
I asked 'er to dine, an' partake of wine,
So we went to the local Chinese,
The sign on the door said, "Buffet after 4,
And eat as much as you please!"
We were on our way in when the owner Hu Lin,
Said, "YOU can come in but not Fatty!"
I didn't want trouble, so I offered 'im double,
That's how we got in, me an' Hattie.
She ate like a horse and for a starter course,
She 'ad 28 chicken wings,
Loads of dim sum to fatten her bum,
Soup, and all sorts of things.
Main courses - she 'ad 10, ate every one, then,
Went an' filled up a third time,
She 'ad loads of lychees, an' then she said, "Please,
Can yer get me 5 litres more wine?"
I were pissed up missen, and at quarter ter ten,
Hattie appeared quite appealing,
"Now Hattie my dove, let's go home and make love,"
I said, with the utmost of feeling!
I know this is hateful, but Hattie was grateful,
She'd gone 10 years without sex,
I threw 'er on the bed, which broke the bedstead,
And then I just ripped off 'er keks.
I know it's not passion, well it is, of a fashion,
The next bit you'll find quite uncanny,
You'll think I'm a rat, but between rolls of fat,
Could I 'eckers like find 'er big fanny.
I said, "Fart Hattie do, and give us a clue,"
With that, she promptly blew off,
I said, "Thank you Miss Tucker, I've now found the fucker,
So I ripped my own underpants off.
I forced 'ER legs apart, from whence came the fart,
And tried to slot in my man-hood,
I struggled like make love roughly, without any luck,
An' said, "Lass, I'm afraid it's no good!"
So I set up a pulley, and hauled 'er manfully,
Dangling from our bedroom ceiling,
'Er legs were widespread, as I lay on the bed,
An' lowered 'er slowly, with feeling.
The next bit's no joke, coz the pulley just broke,
(I know now you'll laugh yourselves silly),
On me face was a frown, as she came crashing down,
An' landed slap-bang on me willy!
This story is true, and between me and you,
As I said to my Airforce pal Roger,
That lass Hattie Tucker is such a fat fucker,
I've now got an inverted todger!
Now the moral is this, (and DON'T take the urine),
Even though this poem is silly,
If you go with a fucker, like fat Hattie Tucker,
Make sure you 'ave got a huge willy!