Post by Barry Hodges on Dec 16, 2010 16:08:50 GMT
This is an early one (#14) in my "Memories" sequence, having been written in July 2007.
It predates my more elegant style of composition, so I have added a few bits to increase its charm.
People think that Kentucky is a gracious and elegant state,
Full of glamour, exciting horse races and people wearing cowboy hats,
(And most of the men are total fucking strangers to a bar of soap
Preferring their crutches to reek of human faeces (or poo-poos) and horse-sweat),
Replete in historical renown and with a world-famous chicken dish
Named in its honour, yum yum, it's nice and uniquely salty,
And will help to to become obscenely obese
And liable to a majorly agonising myo-cardial infarct.
But there is another, darker side to this fabulous region:
Believe me, I know, I was there about fourteen years ago (roughly speaking)
And I have experienced its ghastly violence down to my very toenails.
I was happily riding down Main Street, Henderson, on my hired horse Alfonso X
(I originally called him Niggerface but the KKK objected),
Towing my immensely obese third wife Empanada in her reinforced trailer,
When a group of teenage trannie bikers dressed in pink mock-suede
Emerged from one of the town's renowned gay fine dining cafés,
Utterly sky-high on Campari and Soda with a twist of fresh lime,
And, seeing the mock-lesbian tweedy way fat Empanada was dressed,
They dragged her out of her oxcart and thrashed her real cruel,
Which made her faeces (or poo-poos) herself.
Then those heartless perverts left the plump creature lying there in the dust,
Her skirt riding up and exposing her mighty mottled thighs for all to see.
And for what? Just because they didn't like the sneer on her face?
The poor old trout had to be taken off to hospital but to no avail
As our health insurance wasn't valid thus the doctors let her expire.
Dear God, I shall never ever visit the Kentucky Derby again, that's for sure,
Even if I am promised a blow job from a big-titted KY whore.
It predates my more elegant style of composition, so I have added a few bits to increase its charm.
People think that Kentucky is a gracious and elegant state,
Full of glamour, exciting horse races and people wearing cowboy hats,
(And most of the men are total fucking strangers to a bar of soap
Preferring their crutches to reek of human faeces (or poo-poos) and horse-sweat),
Replete in historical renown and with a world-famous chicken dish
Named in its honour, yum yum, it's nice and uniquely salty,
And will help to to become obscenely obese
And liable to a majorly agonising myo-cardial infarct.
But there is another, darker side to this fabulous region:
Believe me, I know, I was there about fourteen years ago (roughly speaking)
And I have experienced its ghastly violence down to my very toenails.
I was happily riding down Main Street, Henderson, on my hired horse Alfonso X
(I originally called him Niggerface but the KKK objected),
Towing my immensely obese third wife Empanada in her reinforced trailer,
When a group of teenage trannie bikers dressed in pink mock-suede
Emerged from one of the town's renowned gay fine dining cafés,
Utterly sky-high on Campari and Soda with a twist of fresh lime,
And, seeing the mock-lesbian tweedy way fat Empanada was dressed,
They dragged her out of her oxcart and thrashed her real cruel,
Which made her faeces (or poo-poos) herself.
Then those heartless perverts left the plump creature lying there in the dust,
Her skirt riding up and exposing her mighty mottled thighs for all to see.
And for what? Just because they didn't like the sneer on her face?
The poor old trout had to be taken off to hospital but to no avail
As our health insurance wasn't valid thus the doctors let her expire.
Dear God, I shall never ever visit the Kentucky Derby again, that's for sure,
Even if I am promised a blow job from a big-titted KY whore.
