Hepworths

[spamheid]

When I was a younger loon, I lived in Alloa toon,
And there was a Hepworths where for pleasure
One might have a suit made to measure
This was many years ago
When life wis much simpler, you know.

Once I entered the establishment
With my friend wee Jock the mad midget, a humphy-backit gent.
"I say my man, " said he, "dae ye hiv a suit tae fit me?"
The salesman gave him one of his rather snobbish looks
And said, "I hope not, or some cunt'll be getting his books!"

Of course, wee Jock pit the heid intae him right away
And we never returned any other day.

And since then, Hepworths has had to close
Why would that be, do you suppose?
Could it be that they mocked the deformed and the slight
Or could it just as easily be that all their suits were shite?

[cardboardlover]

This is a very nice poem. I remember once my uncle went to the John Colliers, the Fifty Shilling Tailors, and he managed to persuade the shop manager to give him a spare cardboard box which he left to me in his Last Will & Testamant. It is one of my favourites in my collection as it has the immortal slogan on it...
"John Colliers John Colliers the window to watch"
The box is only slightly marred by my aunt tripping over it once and pissing on it a little bit in her terror.

[ladeezman]

I not been hear in England long but never seen this tailor shop, bhs I know very good place to pick up slappers also M and S. i am totaly agreeing english clothes total shite not enough room for man whose well ung down below like myself is.

[Edna Sweetlove]

Dear Spammy: this is a very nice poem. I am pleased you did not patronise Burton's or BHS. I would expect nothing less, eh?

[cardboardlover]

did hepworths supply you with your tailor-made products using a paper bag, or a cardboard box or had they begun on the slippery slope that leads to plastic containers?

[spamheid]

They had a large roll of brown paper as I remember. I don't think plastic had been invented. The shop was replete with cardboard boxes and material rolls.