A Wee Day Oot at Edinburry Zoo

[spamheid]

One day when I wis bored and had naething else to do
I jumped aboard the omnibus tae Edinburry Zoo
I wore ma kilt and sporran so that I would look ma best
And hoped that I'd appeal tae a' the monkeys and the rest.

When I got up tae the zoo I went intae the monkey hoose
And struck up quite a friendship with a chimpanzee named Bruce
We went behind the bushes and since I was feeling randy
I slackened off ma sporran and we had some houghmagandie.

Next I went tae see the elephants but they were awfy big
So I had some close relations wi' a wee pot-bellied pig
The pig was really happy when I gi'ed him a wee neep
And after he had et it he went hame and off tae sleep.

Just then I heard the keeper, who gave an awfy shout:
"Hey you, the randy teuchter, I am gonnae throw ye out!"
So I stopped tae shag a penguin as I hurtled doon the hill
And ran oot through the gift shop wi' a tenner frae the till.

And when I read the Evening News that night in Glen McLew
It said a crazy highlander had rushed out of the zoo
So I thought I'd best lie low a bit in case the polis came
And it kind o' spoilt ma wee day oot -now isnae that a shame?

[Edna Sweetlove]

Houghmagandie? This is a new one on Edna!
I wuz gauntae say.... ah nivver thought tae ken a new way tae get mah hole!