WAR MEDAL

[Just Fred]

they want to give me a medal
Chad's acne never looked more interesting
I ponder it as he dictates the letter
I hear the word 'gallantry'
followed closely by 'Normandy'
he has a yellow head on his lip

they want to give me a medal
if at all I'd rather it posthumously
there is a huge boil festering on his neck
'such heroism will not go unsung'
he picks at the eruption absent minded
I have no doubt it will scar

they want to give me a medal
and 'the Captain' is visibly perturbed
his phantom legs are itching
this place needs no more heroes
I flinch as the boil pops
'and the horrors that you faced'

they want to give me a medal
it seems my nightmares don't suffice
I could use the pin to burst Chad's spots
I need no more memories of war
my Elisabeth is long gone
and with her the reasons I bled on foreign soil

they want to give me a medal
'a memorial ceremony at blah de blah'
he has seventeen zits on his chin alone
'those who fought bravely for our liberation'
'so that we could live as free men'
and his forehead is a rumour

"they want to give you a medal"
he says, he's finished reading now
he stands and ruffles my remaining silver
whilst I fret about cross contamination
and worry about who will prepare our puree
he declares to the rest of the home;

"isn't Fred the brave boy"

[Fraser Allonby Q.C.]

Excellent.

[Edna Sweetlove]

I hope you had fun in the trenches, Fred. I hear the gay sex was great, up against the latrine wall.

[spamheid]

A cracker.

[Just Fred]

Thanks to everyone to read this. Oops, I just went in my pyjamas.